Interior

Slowly, ever so
Slowly I'm
Learning, infinitesimally, to
Take an interest, even
Care a little talk a little stay a little longer
Branch a little fail a little fall a little more
Each
Time
Until
I resemble
Humanity
No longer boxed up
Caged in
Bottled and stoppered feelings mixing colors until they're just
Dark
Murky
Brown.

All I Think About

For the past couple of weeks, all I can think about is hair dye. Shallow but true. I have a feeling it's becoming an obsession- or is it now a part of who I am? I love having crazy hair. It helps me be more confident, even though I do get funny looks. I like to say that crazy hair is an expression of my crazy mind. That's true, but deep down I think it's because I want people to notice me. In the end, I probably live up to that stupid stereotype that teens do things to be noticed.

In the most basic sense, that's true. People do things to attract the attention of other people. This attraction happens in nature as well- look at peacocks. They flaunt their tails to attract the other peacocks. I'm a peacock, and I love it. A crazy haired peacock.

The only problem with being a peacock is that people see only that- the flaunting and attention seeking. Underneath though, is just a need to have fun. I love unnatural colors, the power and confidence they give me, and the fact that I can change my appearance at will. It's a lovely feeling.

On Being A Real Person

What is being real? What is being superficial? And who's to judge if someone is one way or the other?

One of my friends who blogs would probably be much more articulate about this, as she's super philosophical and an amazing writer on top of that. But here's my attempt:

Sometimes people pretend to be something they are not. But if they become that something, does it make them superficial anymore? Or do they become real? If someone changes, does that make them fake as to who they were before, or is their new idea of themselves the real person? I know it's incredibly cheesy to say so, but if everyone accepted everyone else, we wouldn't have this issue. For example, I have blue hair. Because of this, I am judged. I am asked all sorts of questions, stared at, and treated differently. I knew this would happen when I went blue, and I understand why. People don't like things that are different, and they don't like change.

So is the blue haired me my "real self"? Or is it just a "phase"? Both of these concepts are in quotations because they are just ideas, not concrete. What I am is here and now, in this moment. It does not make me any different fundamentally than my future self, or my past self. I will always be me, even if I am a different incarnation or idea.

I don't know if I'm making any sense here, but I feel like I've made a good post, so I shall end here. :)

Tomorrow Is...

Blue hair day!

It's been a long time coming. Last year I had red hair, the year before that I had purple streaks. Blue has been on my list for a long time, and now it's finally coming true! I had to wait til my birthday, because I don't have the money to pay for a bleaching job, as my mother refuses to let me do it myself. So my birthday finally came around, and with it my opportunity.

My parents are of two minds. My mom doesn't really have strong feelings one way or the other. Her refrain is "it's just hair. It'll grow back." My dad, on the other hand, does not feel the same way. I'm not entirely sure why- maybe it's because blue hair isn't traditional? He shouldn't be such a hypocrite if that's the case- he did a lot of "nontraditional" things when he was my age. Or the reason may be because when I dyed it red my mom and I... neglected... to inform him of our plans until after the fact. It was a good idea at the time, because he flipped out when he saw the red (and he saw red, hahahaha punny). So perhaps now he is suspicious, but at least we told him in advance.

Its' going to be a gorgeous dark indigo blue, that will hopefully fade to a light purple color. I'm not doing my entire head- just my bangs and a good portion of the top layer. I'm extremely excited! I'll hopefully post pictures tomorrow, while it's all shiny and new.

Best wishes, and cheers to colored hair!

Hair Dye

I'm considering dying my hair. Blue and purple streaks, since you're wondering. I don't know why, it's just been an idea rolling around in my head for a while. Last year I had red hair, and the year before I had purple streaks, but my mom wouldn't let me bleach my hair so they didn't work. Hair color is something of an obsession for me: I always want a new color but I never have the guts to do it. I'd love to be one of those people who changes their hair every month, with awesome results and much eyebrow raising. However, I don't think my dad could survive that. Every time I mention the words "hair" and "dye" in the same sentence he looks perturbed and makes a kind of groaning noise that sounds a bit like a sick dog. I don't understand his problem. Maybe it's because the last time I dyed my hair (a really awesome red-auburn color), my mom and I went to the salon and didn't bother to tell him until after the fact... that's probably it.

This time it's a bit of an argument between my mom and I, because I want to dye/ bleach my hair at home and she wants me to go to a salon. I agree with her, but there's a small problem. I don't think any salon around here is going to 1) have the color dye I want and 2) be willing to do the job for me if I bring my own dye. It's a problem.

These are the two colors I'm thinking of doing:

SFX Blue Velvet
SFX Deep Purple

Tell me what you think!