Thursday, March 31, 2011

On Procrastination

It's a plague. It's a scourge. It's here in my room with me, and I can't get rid of it. It's procrastination! *insert dark theme music*

Funny thing is, I've been meaning to write about this topic for a while, but I didn't because, you guessed it, I was procrastinating. There are so many things that distract me!

1) The internet and all it's wonderful colorful graphics.
2) Skype and Facebook (not under the category of internet because they are different).
3) Knitting
4) Reading
5) Schoolwork. Yeah. That stuff.

It's terribly difficult to blog when I've got so much on my plate, and so many tasty delicacies to choose from, be it sleep or Tumblr-stalking or a new Terry Pratchett book. But I shall persevere, namely because it's good for me, but also because blogging is a way of not feeling so bricked up. The whole wide world of the internet can see this, and even though I've taken precautions to keep this blog from most of my friends, I have no issue with total strangers reading it. Strange, but possibly a bit of basic psychology. Who knows?

Friday, March 25, 2011

Reflections on New York City

The past two days I've been in NYC. It's... different. I don't live there, and I don't think I'd ever want to. It's too big, too crowded, and too dirty, but it is fun. There's just so much to do. That, I think, is the main charm of New York City. There's something for everyone. It's a giant melting pot and collision of cultures. You can walk down any random street and see at least three stores advertising items in different languages, and hear said languages being spoken. It's hard not to follow your nose when you pass a restaurant with delicious smells emanating through the door. In the press of people on the street you're sure to see someone wearing a weird, wacky, tacky, or just plain cool item of clothing. (For the record, I saw a TON of Doc Martens!) Stores overflow with amazing merchandise, and if you go to the right places, you'll be sure to find something unique.

On the other hand, NYC is dirty, plain and simple. For whatever reason, it seems like everyone smokes. It's impossible to move more than a few feet without getting a whiff of cigarette smoke. Nasty stuff, to say the least. The city is also incredibly crowded, and crowds create trash, cigarette stubs, and seemingly mountainous piles of gum on the sidewalks. Grime is everywhere. Then again, New York is an old city, and the older things become, the dirtier they seem.

One thing that bothers me about NYC every time I go there is the lack of natural light. In some neighborhoods, no matter how sunny it is, there seems to be a general cessation of light, which intrigues me. It's probably because the buildings are so tall, but I have a theory that it's actually the lack of trees. Even in a forest when the sun is shining, the light is alive, if muted. In New York, the sunlight seems almost dead. In Times Square at night, with the neon and huge lights cranked up, it seems almost like day. The key word here is "almost"- it's not the real thing. Real light needs to be living, and to be reflected off of living things. Without light, life can't really exist. New York is definitely a living city, but the light lives in a different way than the light where I live. It's a change, certainly.

Monday, March 14, 2011


"Sometimes things just happen." One of the most generic quotes ever to be spoken by a member of the human race. It's a multi-layered phrase with so many meanings it's impossible to make perfect sense out of it. For example, what's your definition of "sometimes"? In this particular situation, do things just "happen"? Or always? Is it karma, fate, destiny, or any deity of your choice controlling the "happen"?

I don't necessarily believe in God, but I do believe in karma and fate. I have a sort of mish-mosh of spirituality rolling around in my head. I know it sounds silly, but most of my thoughts on religion and spiritualistic ideas thereof come from reading Terry Pratchett. His ideas just... make sense. I love the idea of many gods, and then one Creator who sat back and let the world run, ala the Deists during the Enlightenment. I especially love the idea of many parallel universes that influence each other, many worlds spinning through space, the Trousers of Time, and the idea that magic exists everywhere. You just have to find it.

Perhaps if there was more magic in the world, the world would become an easier, softer, more peaceful place. I'm not talking magic in the Harry Potter sense, though that would be awesome. I'm more interested in magic as in the kind of wonder and respect you have for the world when you're looking at a super tall mountain range, or an exquisite sunset, or an untouched swathe of ancient forest. If we felt like that for each and every human being, and respected them as something as unique and fleeting as a sunset, as a completely real and individual person, then maybe we could learn peace. Instead of viewing other people's ideas and feelings as barriers, we should see them as a springboard for a mixing and collaboration of ideals to further a common goal.

Think even bigger: what if we thought of our world as a tiny particle in a giant universe? What if we respected it as a unique individual, indispensably part of our lives, the source of our life itself? Imagine a world, but not a round, spherical one. Imagine a flat world, on the back of four elephants on the back of a giant turtle. Wouldn't it be amazing if a place like that coexisted with our own reality? If we open our minds to the possibilities, anything is possible.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

On Not Laughing

One of my friends took a big risk yesterday. She sent me part of a copy of a story she's been writing. I think I'm one of the first people to read it, and I'm honored 1) that she chose me and 2) that I'm allowed to edit! It's a huge responsibility- someone's hopes and dreams there in your hands, or on a computer screen. I'm also really proud of her for even sending it to me. For her, I think it's a huge step forward in sharing her work with the world.

And it should be shared, because my friend is a fantastic writer. She blogs, and even though I wasn't originally supposed to know about her blog, and found it completely by accident, I love reading her posts. Her philosophies and point of view are so original and completely accurate. And I can't say enough good things about her writing style- she's lyrical, with just enough emotion to convey her ideas, but enough esoterica to keep it anonymous.

One of her recent posts expressed a fear of people laughing at her and her writing. She is completely entitled to that, as are we all. Everyone will be ridiculed at some point in their lives, whether it be for something stupid they wrote, said, or did, or something deeper, like sexual orientation or religion. It's part of human nature to laugh, but not to ridicule. There is a huge difference between lighthearted laughter and cruel, pointed snickering. I may laugh at my friend for walking into a wall, but I would never make fun of someone for being gay, lesbian, or transgendered, or Christian or Muslim or Jewish. I have friends who fall under all those categories. If I laughed, I'd be alienating friends extremely quickly.

But back to my friend. I'm doing the opposite of laughing right now. I just read through her story, and I'm in awe. I could never write something that good. I know her fears are well founded, as she doesn't like to share her work, but I am extremely glad I am one of those who gets to view it.

I am definitely not laughing.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

On Being A Real Person

What is being real? What is being superficial? And who's to judge if someone is one way or the other?

One of my friends who blogs would probably be much more articulate about this, as she's super philosophical and an amazing writer on top of that. But here's my attempt:

Sometimes people pretend to be something they are not. But if they become that something, does it make them superficial anymore? Or do they become real? If someone changes, does that make them fake as to who they were before, or is their new idea of themselves the real person? I know it's incredibly cheesy to say so, but if everyone accepted everyone else, we wouldn't have this issue. For example, I have blue hair. Because of this, I am judged. I am asked all sorts of questions, stared at, and treated differently. I knew this would happen when I went blue, and I understand why. People don't like things that are different, and they don't like change.

So is the blue haired me my "real self"? Or is it just a "phase"? Both of these concepts are in quotations because they are just ideas, not concrete. What I am is here and now, in this moment. It does not make me any different fundamentally than my future self, or my past self. I will always be me, even if I am a different incarnation or idea.

I don't know if I'm making any sense here, but I feel like I've made a good post, so I shall end here. :)

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Perils of the Internet

I love the Internet. It's one of the greatest inventions in the near past, in my opinion. However, there are some times when I just don't understand why people say the things they say or act the way they do.

My friend has been getting college emails, and this past week she got one from the University of Advancing Technology. Being the nerds that we are, we immediately started trolling their website, and we found a "what kind of geek are you?" quiz. We took it, and had a good time. Thinking our friends would like it, we emailed it to some people and she posted it on Google Buzz. This of course set off a flurry of activity, and the inevitable rain of comments.

When asked to describe herself, one of my friends usually says "hipster before hipster was cool", "indie", or "so hipster even hipsters think I'm hipster", or something along those lines. So of course she has a complete disdain for Nerdfighteria and all it entails, it being too mainstream and "fake", in her opinion. So she posted something on the quiz being like "alpha geek, I really know what I'm about, unlike you sissy Nerdfighters" (not an exact quote). So I posted back saying "Nerdfighter is different from geek." And she went off on a paragraph long rant about how Nerdfighters are (and here I quote), "asinine", "moronic", etc.

So much for friends respecting friends.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Stuck in a Rut

Fuck. Stuck in a rut. Excuse my language, but that's exactly how I feel right now. This week has been terrible, and the weird thing is nothing really bad has happened. I've just been really down, and feeling like I can't go anywhere, that all these negative things are happening and I can't do anything about it.

My concentration is shot. I can't do homework, or read, or do anything productive. Falling asleep in class? Check. Lack of interest? Check. Huge screaming fights and tears? Check. Music addiction is growing at rapid speeds? Piles of stress and not giving a damn? The need to run and scream simultaneously but also feeling exhausted? Check, check, check. Strangely, I'm really looking forward to things that are coming up this year (new vlog, a concert, crew season) but I can't be happy right now. I'm usually a really upbeat person, but it seems I've hit a roadblock. What's happening?